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The Ones Who Feel “Different”
Category: Member Blogs

Not everyone fits neatly into the folds of society.

There are some whose souls are far too wild and free to be contained within a set of systems and structures specifically created for the masses.

It’s not that these people consciously choose to exist outside the norm—they just cannot shrink themselves to be someone or something that other people want them to be.

These people are known as Fringe Dwellers, dwelling on the fringes of society. Fringe Dwellers are aligned to the energy of the universe, and their pulses beat in time with Mother Earth.

One of the clearest signs that someone is a Fringe Dweller is an indefinable feeling of not belonging. Many feel as though they have been born on the wrong planet or they have a strong sensation of homesickness, but they aren’t sure where that home exists. They adventure from place to place seeking out soul resonation with others who seem similar to them, and more than that, they hope to find a few sacred spaces that radiate a welcoming, familiar sensation.

Fringe Dwellers don’t make decisions with their head; they move through life fearlessly following the energy of their heart. Fringe Dwellers don’t have a specific look or style to them, as they don’t follow any codes of conduct.

They rarely wear watches or keep track of time unless it is absolutely necessary. They have an inherent ability of knowing approximately what time it is by tuning into universal energy.

Although Fringe Dwellers appear detached from society, they are innately connected to everything that exists. They feel no separation between them and any other living creature.

Fringe Dwellers feel energetically connected to everything. However, they are highly aware that they live vastly different to how the majority of people live. They have often felt as though they are weird, strange or the odd one out whenever they are around large groups of people—and even in the company of family and friends. However, they are not any of these things; their lifestyle is just simply more rare than the lifestyle of many of the people they have so far met.

Fringe Dwellers have little interest in or attachments to materialism. By choice, they would exist in a world wherein money did not exist and instead kindness and connection was the currency and everything was shared and equal.

They are free thinkers who are associated with unorthodox or anti-establishment social and political views, which are expressed through creativity, free love, acceptance, unity, or choosing to live communally in poverty. They have little care for money other than as a basic means of survival.

Fringe Dwellers regularly question and challenge the system and the status quo, as their heightened perception offers us an alternative way of thinking and seeing things. They are generally not disciplined and find it difficult to follow unwritten rules and regulations. They are revolutionaries and if something goes against their strong personal beliefs, they may be inclined to rebel. They generally have no interest in hierarchies or bowing down to others who are seen by society to be of a higher standing. They abandon negative judgment and see everyone as equal.

Many Fringe Dwellers are artists who struggle to survive, as they do not feel comfortable placing a financial value on their time and talents. They often get lost in their artwork, as it is an escape from the reality around them that feels immensely harsh and uncomfortable. They strive to leave the world a better place than they found it, even if the only way they can do this is through their art.

“The biographies of great artists make it abundantly clear that the creative urge is often so imperious that it battens onto their humanity and yokes everything to the service of the work, even at the cost of ordinary health and human happiness.” ~ Carl Jung

Fringe Dwellers believe that everything is energy and they trust the vibes they feel around them, so they make decisions about their circumstances purely on how the incoming energy feels.

“If you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration.” ~ Nikola Tesla

They spend much of their time out in nature, as this is where the energy feels calmer and clearer. Therefore Fringe Dwellers head out to the mountains to hike and to the oceans to swim or watch the waves. They may head deep into the forest to communicate with the trees and overall refresh, rejuvenate and recharge.

Fringe Dwellers are not inside or outside of the box, as the saying goes. They don’t even see a box, so they are able to perceive things from numerous angles. They are empathetic, compassionate and usually highly intuitive so they have a depth of understanding for humankind and this means they naturally love unconditionally and forgive any grievances with ease.

Due to being so attuned to the universe’s energy, Fringe Dwellers are greatly affected by cosmic activity. This means that moon phases, the sun, solar storms, planetary movements and the weather all dramatically impact their electromagnetic field, so they have developed a great interest in understanding celestial events.

Fringe Dwellers are constantly learning. Wherever they go, they look for an opportunity to absorb knowledge and information, and many take a book with them just in case they get a few moments to educate themselves. They are less likely to read fiction and far more likely to read factual data, particularly if it is about evolution, consciousness, mindfulness, awakening, enlightenment or if it is beneficial to humanity in some way.

Although Fringe Dwellers actively seek out education, it is common for them to have fallen through the holes in the education system, and many have a strong dislike for the rigid structure of schools. This is usually, because they felt that the subjects were limited with little or no relevance to anything they intended to do or experience as adults.

Fringe Dwellers are guided by synchronicities and serendipities, and they pay attention to the magic hidden in the signs the universe delivers.

Fringe Dwellers are the free spirits, the adventurers, the game changers, the artists, the writers, the singers, the creators, the charismatic old souls, the curious beings, the philosophers, the truth seekers, the daydreamers, the unconventional ones, the peacekeepers, the mystical and magical ones, the warriors, the feisty  creatures with tender hearts, wild imaginations, and tough, unbreakable spirits.

They are the quirky types who live outside society’s safely sealed box. Their lifestyles may seem unconventional or unorthodox, but it feels to them the most soul-nourishing, natural way to live.

“They danced down the streets like dingledodies, and I shambled after as I’ve been doing all my life after people who interest me, because the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes ‘Awww!’” ~ Jack Kerouac

Dear Sad One
Category: Member Blogs

I am here to tell you, just in case no one ever has, please don’t think your sadness and your sorrows are here to stay.

No, no, no.

These things are only fleetingly touching you and holding you down. Even though you may think they are with you to stay, you can believe me when I say they’ll surely pass.

You can conquer this. You know you will. You will defeat it and know when to declare, “Enough.” You are a powerful, deeply courageous one—have faith despite the clouds that hover above.

Maybe it doesn’t seem that way now, or when you look towards the future, and I know that distant days can seem too brutal to endure. I hear you when you say this overwhelms you. It absorbs your heart and captures all your thoughts.

But trust me please, sweetheart, you will come through this. There are magnificent moments waiting beneath the downy wings. And they are all yours, pausing, so very patiently, until you open and uncoil from this tight spring.

If I had a magic wand I’d take your aches and agony and I’d gladly ease your burden to make them mine. I’d endure those painfully sharp and menacing angry raining blows. I’d ask for every ruthless sensation that you suffer. I’d embrace it all.

Do you want to know why I would do this?

Not because I am built of steely armor, or because my skin is hardened from such cold. No, you see old friends, those cruel relentless torments cannot harm me. No one can break me down with their force. I got to know those menacing foes, once, long ago, on a bitter lonely night when I was lost, forgotten and abandoned in the wildness of this world.

We fought it out. I battled. I raged, I screamed and cried at them. I wept and fell and pleaded at their feet.

And through those tears that flooded rivers and my sighs that caused tornadoes to erupt, comfort never called to me and no loving arms moved in to soothe my cares. I wrestled with my nightmares all alone. I faced demons, and skeletons and witnessed ghostly shapes that make the daylight dark. I was haunted and hunted. I almost gave in, broken, numbed and tortured mixed as one. I ran and forsake my body. I tried to drown out and escape the wrath of harm. I was an empty shell, an outline. I was a fragmented face I truly did not know.

It took me all my strength but I finally sat at the edge with them. I asked them what exactly they were here to show. And you know, my friend, they weren’t against me. They told me I was the one against myself. I was fighting when instead I had to learn to allow.

Now, understand, I do not mean for you to allow external harm. Walk away, my God, run if you have to. No one gets to consistently cause you pain. I’m talking about the pain you cause yourself, delicate one. Trying to deny and reject the feelings that you own. Listen to them, the whispers calling you. They’re stories that they need you now to hear. Your aching cells are not going away, they’re telling you that something in your life just isn’t right.

It’s not going to be easy, but you’ve got this. Don’t push against what naturally needs to flow. Your heart will talk to you if you’re patient and still. It will communicate just what you need to do. No need to feel so petrified, you have the entire universe—it’s inside you powerfully pulling you along. Just ask those voices to communicate slowly, softly and lightly. No need for harsh hurried loud noise.

And here’s the thing, let me promise you: You are not alone despite your agonizing thoughts. There are others, thousands, out there, possibly even millions, each one also struggling to find the doorway through.

And so, I reached for them, with shaking hands. I searched until their voices led me home. Their lights guided me, and their shadows sheltered me, even though I was hiding, petrified of letting them near. But, they were people, with radiant love, who experience and feel their days just like you and I. Those warriors, with tender hearts, they’re courageous and will help you see this through.

They will talk you through and calm your soul. They will hold your trembling hand and breathe with you, and they will lift and take you up, and unravel this despair.

I didn’t know them, they were strangers to me, but their gentle words shot through each splintered bone. My ribcage opened and allowed them in, and for the first time, I knew I was understood.

I swear to you, belief in me when I tell you there’s compassion there for you. I’ve learned the hard way. I waited far too long, so head there and you’ll see that you belong. These kindly ones don’t know yet where to find you. Especially when you hide your pain-filled eyes. You have to summon courage and bravery and remove that fear and take your weary self to them. But when you do, they will wrap you up and soothingly tell you you’re gonna be just fine.

Trust me, please my dearest sad one. There’s nothing to lose but give this hope a chance. You may fear rejection or awkwardness, but soon you’ll see those things just keep you stuck. There’s a world out there, it’s counting on you. You’re too essential to decide to give it up. You can count on me. There’s brilliance out there, but if you think I’m wrong, I am here, just ask me and I’ll be there to guide you while you look…

“There’s going to be days when you just don’t want to be here anymore. You just stay. You f***ing stay. Somewhere out there, somebody needs your voice. I promise. I swear to God, your laughter is someone’s saving grace. Hold on tight, baby. The sun is coming for you.” ~ Erin Van Vuren

Red Flags
Category: Member Blogs

The initial stages of a relationship can be deceiving as we are often on a high, a chemical high.

We get those dizzy in-love feelings that swim around our brain, which are essentially just endorphins that are released when we enter into any type of intimate relationship. Endorphins release oxytocin, which is a powerful bonding chemical that works to create something that looks very similar to co-dependency.

Basically, oxytocin is associated with mother and baby relationships to form a strong and difficult to break bond.

So, we can now imagine how this same chemical affects us in our relationships. It tricks us into thinking we have to be at the other person’s side and in close physical contact. Not only that, it creates something not too different from addiction.

Due to the chemicals pulsating through our systems we are often blind to things that could be major red flags in our relationships that would let us know that all is not well.

As these chemicals simmer down, and the relationship becomes a little less intense and physical, we begin to see a much truer version of our relationship—we basically begin to see what looks a lot more like reality.

And sometimes, it isn’t pretty.

When we begin to notice the signs that our relationship is not all what it seemed, quite often, the initial changes are easier to see in the way we are behaving, not the other person, as all too often our own reactions to other people can be a huge indicator that something is not right.

Anxiety. Anxiety is often the first signal that something is going wrong in our lives. It is a state of inner turmoil and is strongly associated with fear. Even though anxiety is a different emotion from fear, it can be felt when we perceive ourselves to be in some form of danger, whether real or imagined.

Feeling Crazy. That feeling when our head is spinning, we can’t catch our thoughts and we don’t know whether we are coming or going is often a sign that something, somewhere is going seriously wrong. If these moments happen regularly within a relationship, it’s a sure sign that something within the relationship needs to be addressed. Often, that “crazy feeling” is a sign that things are spiraling out of control.

Being Blamed. Whenever someone is passing on the blame for things going wrong to someone else, it is a sign that they are not taking full responsibility for their own behavior and actions. We are all accountable for our own role that we play in the dynamic of the relationship and when we tell someone else they are to blame, we are shifting the responsibility away from ourselves and onto others. Therefore, if a partner is constantly blaming us for things they aren’t happy with, we need to refuse to accept the blame and step away from the situation to look at why they are offloading all the responsibility onto us.

Blaming someone is very different from airing grievances. Open and constructive communication is the only way a relationship is going to thrive. The blame lies with power and control, so it is imperative we do not take on the full responsibility for anything within a relationship as in doing so, we are immediately weakened, which is the sole purpose of blame.

Scared about their reactions. If we are constantly fearful of how our partner is going to react to everyday aspects of life, this is a clear indicator that the relationship is abusive. The fear can begin with worrying if we miss a call or a text message and can range to being afraid to say the wrong thing or to go out with friends.

If our partner reacts negatively and aggressively to simple things that go on within the relationship, it is then a huge worry if something more significant goes wrong. Relationships aren’t always plain sailing and we should never be afraid or scared of how other people will respond to things we do or say. Often the person who is reacting will try to blame you for their response (as above—blame), however, placing blame is a way to get out of taking responsibility.

When we are in a relationship, we should above all else be able to trust that the person we are with is not going to be causing us emotional, mental or physical harm. Simple things like feeling scared about missing a call can very quickly lead to walking on eggshells and being fearful of how we choose to live our lives and feeling nervous about most other parts of the relationship too.

Making excuses. As soon as we hear ourselves justifying our partner’s behaviour we should see this as an alarm bell ringing. It’s one thing to explain why someone has behaved a certain way, but there is usually trouble around if we are making up excuses that do not reflect reality. Also, what can happen is that we begin to believe the excuses we make. We usually want to see the best in the people we choose to be in a relationship with, therefore, it kind of hurts (a lot) when they behave in ways that are hurtful. So, we make up little excuses here and there to justify their behaviors, the worrying thing is though, these little excuses can quickly develop into a habit and cause us to turn a blind eye to major red flags.

Being the only one to apologize. I’m sure we have all dated someone who was Mr. or Mrs. Perfect. The thing is though, they really weren’t perfect, none of us are. Therefore, we all need to take our turn in apologizing. We all make mistakes, we all mess up and we all need to own up to it, take accountability and say sorry. We don’t all like the use of the word sorry, so it’s okay to find our own ways to make things up. The problems arise when one or both parties refuse to take any responsibility for making up and for accepting their part in whatever may have gone wrong.

When there is only one person apologizing, a dynamic can quickly form whereby the other person will wait it out until the person who always says sorry gives in—and apologizes. This kind of dynamic isn’t healthy for any relationship. There must be given and take and it is never one person’s fault continuously for things that go wrong within a relationship.

These are just a few signs that things may not always be what they seem.

Unfortunately, wishful thinking can keep us in a relationship that we know we really shouldn’t stay in. We hope, wish, pray and even firmly believe that people will change. We wait around, have patience, try our best to love unconditionally and accept people exactly as they are, however, sooner or later we must be aware of the types of relationships that are causing us harm and those that are good for us.

No relationship is worth sacrificing our emotional, mental or physical health and well-being for. As difficult as it sometimes is, we really must figure out whom we love more, ourselves or the other person. Hint: it should always be the former. And it is usually because we don’t love the former enough, that we end up entwined in these types of relationships in the first place.

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